


impossible soul

by envejselsker



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, i omitted the last part of the song because it implies an unhappy ending, they break up but they get back together i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:23:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/envejselsker/pseuds/envejselsker
Summary: [based off of Impossible Soul by Sufjan Stevens]Beca's career begins to boom successfully, but as an unhappy result, her relationship with Emily begins to strain. Life has to move on, and both of them wonder if their relationship will ever recover.





	impossible soul

**Author's Note:**

> I HIGHLY recommend listening to this song! It's a 25 minute album finale, but each section of the song is its own story.   
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8R_3mXZBsuU

_ Ooh, woman, tell me what you want _

_ And I'll calm down without bleeding out _

_ With a broken heart that you stabbed for an hour _

_ Woman, I was freaking out because I want you to know _

_ My beloved, you are the lover of my impossible soul _

\-----

She didn’t know what else to do. Emily was gone, and it was almost as if she had never been there at all. The only thing that let her know Emily was not just a dream was the subtle scent of her perfume. Hugging her knees to her chest, Beca cried. She let it out, the screaming sobs that had been threatening to break out of her throat for the past week. 

The pain she had felt all week had been kept inside of her, until now. The dam had broken, and her chest felt constricted. She found it hard to breathe. She thought she had felt pain before. First when her dad left her and her mom behind, then second when her mom had died. But neither compared to what she was feeling now. 

Beca was numb. Her hands were shaking, and she reached for her phone. She instinctively pressed on Emily’s name and stared at the  _ Call  _ icon. Another sob ripped through her body, and she instead forced herself to change the name to be plain instead of filled with the “silly emojis” she had called them. Because Emily was gone.

//

They had been okay. At least, that’s what Beca had thought. She had never been happier in her entire life, not like she was whenever she was around Emily. The taller girl had an essence of happiness that surrounded her and smothered everyone she came into contact with. Beca was no exception. She loved her with her entire heart and soul, despite the challenges that came with their relationship.

Beca had made a name for herself after the USO Tour with the Bellas. DJ Khaled had been more than accommodating with her, frequently giving her time off to visit the Bellas - especially Emily, after their relationship had established itself - and she quickly rushed to the top of the standings within the recording studio. She had everything she had ever wanted and more.

Their relationship starting was something that was a long time coming. It had surprised no one when Beca visited Barden for the fifth time after the tour, except that time it was to kiss Emily in the doorway to her apartment. The honeymoon phase of their relationship seemed like it would never end. 

The fame came slowly at first, but soon became extremely overwhelming. Despite all of this, she made time for Emily - as she said, “You are my entire being. As impossible as I may be, you’re  _ literally  _ my entire soul.” to which Emily had replied “ _ Literally _ , huh?” with that annoying smirk that Beca may or may not have taught her on her face. 

Soon though, the difficulties of being both in a long distance relationship and time conflicts proved to weigh heavier on their shoulders than expected. They both tried their hardest to keep the relationship afloat, but Beca could practically  _ feel  _ Emily moving further and further away. 

  
  


“Tell me what you want.” Beca had said. She had never heard her voice sound so desperate in her life. Then again, nothing had ever mattered to her as much as Emily Junk before. “Tell me how to fix this. I’ll calm down with work, I’ll take a year off if I have to, I literally do not care about anything if it means I can’t be with you.”

And Emily had given her that heart shattering smile, a smile that had been forced onto her face because nothing about the situation they were in would cause either of them to smile. Tears had already been flowing down her face, and Beca kept blinking to keep her own away. When she had reached out to the taller girl, Emily shifted away ever so slightly. 

“I don’t know if this can work, Beca. I want us to work.”

“Then why don’t you  _ make  _ it work? I’m  _ trying _ my hardest, Emily, I seriously don’t know what else I can--” her voice broke then, and she stopped herself from continuing. “You promised.” she finally said after a poignant pause. 

“I know. And I’m sorry. I still fully intend on keeping that promise.” 

Something inside of Beca had snapped. She had never felt so broken, so  _ infuriated _ . She took a step backwards from Emily and looked away, afraid of the breakdown that would come forth if she saw the look in her (ex?)girlfriend’s eyes. Her voice was broken as she finally spoke. 

“How are you keeping that promise if you’re  _ leaving _ ? You promised to stay. You promised that we could do this, it was  _ your  _ idea!” 

“I just-- I don’t know Beca. We’re the right people. Okay? We’re perfect for each other and I get that. But you’re so  _ successful _ and  _ famous  _ and just-- I don’t know. I’m just a grad student. You’re constantly busy and it feels like I don’t even know you anymore.”

“You clearly don’t understand. I  _ love  _ you. I couldn’t give less of a shit about success and fame if it meant I don’t have you. I just.. I don’t  _ get _ you right now.”

“I can’t do this, Beca.”

And suddenly, all of the fight escaped her. “If it’s what you want.” 

Beca didn’t take another look at Emily, instead exiting the room and taking a seat on the couch. 

She heard soft footsteps tread past her, out the front door, and out of her life.

//

Beca threw herself into her work after her week of misery concluded. Her heart weighed heavier than ever, and she could tell Theo was getting increasingly worried. She had already snapped at him twice in a single day when he finally sat her down and forced her to talk

“What is going on with you?”

Beca refused to look at him. Her heart constricted and she could already feel tears pricking behind her eyes. She wasn’t okay, and she knew that if she said that, she would admit to being broken.  _ Broken _ . She almost scoffed. She had always made fun of people who reacted so harshly to a break-up, thinking she would never have to endure such a thing. Wallowing in self-pity for days was not something she had ever seen herself having to go through.

“Emily and I are no longer together.” she finally said, trying and failing to inconspicuously wipe a tear away from her face. “It’s just been.. Really rough. Okay?” 

Beca refused to look at the man in front of her. Instead, she fiddled with her hands, twisting the ring she wore on her thumb and studying the pattern closely. She felt his hands on her shoulders, and whipped her head up to glare at him. But all she saw was concern in his eyes, and knew that he was just trying to help. 

“I’m sorry, Beca. You.. you two seemed like the real deal.” 

“Yeah, well, I thought so too. I just don’t understand  _ why _ . I don’t feel like a person without her. It’s like I’m living in a dream, nothing feels  _ real _ .” 

She wanted to look away from his eyes, filled with pity. She didn’t need pity. She needed  _ Emily _ . But she looked at him anyways, at the miniscule amount of comfort he provided. After a long silence, he finally sighed.

“Take some time off.” 

“What?” 

“Seriously. Go visit your family, or the Bellas, or  _ something _ . You need a break. Moping around the studio clearly isn’t going to help you.” Beca opened her mouth to decline the offer, but Theo’s eyes were now hard and determined. “I’m serious. Khaled would probably agree. He may seem...” he paused, searching for the right word. “Y’know. But he understands. And you’ve already done so much for the label. You’ve been extremely successful, and you don’t go on tour for another... two months or so? Just take a break.” 

Beca had no room to argue before she was ushered out of the studio. 

“We’ll take care of your flights.” Theo reassured her. “I think getting to see your friends will be good for you.” 

//

Which is how Beca found herself sitting on a plane ride to New York. She had considered stopping in Atlanta to visit Aubrey, Stacie, and her dad, but knew that she probably wouldn’t have been able to stop there. She knew she would have stopped at Emily’s apartment first, as she was staying in Barden for grad school. 

So Beca saved herself the humiliation and instead decided to revisit her life in NYC. Fat Amy, upon hearing of Beca’s visit, took the first flight back to New York. Chloe was still around, with busy hours that she insisted would die down. As always, the Bellas were her first priority - a Bella in need surpassed anything that could possibly require her attention. 

Chloe was the first person Beca saw when she got off her flight. Luggage forgotten, she raced into her best friend’s arms and shoved back the tears already threatening to leave her eyes. Taken aback by Beca’s initiation of contact, Chloe hesitantly wrapped her arms around the smaller girl before giving a tight squeeze.

“I’m here,” she murmured. “I got you.” 

The drive back to their tiny studio apartment was mostly silent. At one point, the radio began playing Beca’s song, and she instantly changed the channel. It was written for Emily. Chloe was at a loss. She had never seen Beca like this before, and she didn’t know if her usual Chloe-esque way of comforting people would work this time. In the passenger seat was a girl so heartbroken she couldn’t even listen to her own song. 

Something changed during their car ride. When Beca stepped foot in their old living space, she gave a small smile. 

“It feels like nothing’s changed.” she remarked, scooting her suitcase to the edge of the bed. Amy’s belongings - although she claimed to have moved out - were still scattered all over, along with the clothing racks that looked untouched. “It’s been two years, Chlo, you wouldn’t have thought to clean up?” 

Beca looked at the other girl with a smirk on her face to let her know she was joking. Chloe gave a relieved smile at the other girl’s show of humor. Although Beca would never outright say anything, she knew that being back here was going to help her tremendously. 

“Wow, has it really been two years already?” Chloe asked, a sense of nostalgia rushing over her. 

“You know, Bec, I feel like I don’t say it enough. But I’m so proud of you, y’know?” 

“I couldn’t have done it without the Bellas.” came Beca’s quick reply, a slight taper at the end of her sentence. Both of them knew what was missing:  _ especially Emily _ . “I don’t think any breakout artist has had a support group as crazy as mine.” 

Conversation flowed easily after that, and Beca felt at home. She had sensed Chloe’s intense feeling of fear and concern in the car, and decided that it wasn’t fair to project her problems onto her best friend. Besides, this vacation was supposed to be used to heal, and so that’s what she would do. Amy joined them a couple hours later, and soon Beca was laughing so hard her stomach hurt. Though in the back of her mind the sound of Emily’s laughter and the scent of her perfume still lingered, she felt a twinge of happiness she hadn’t felt in weeks. 

//

  
  


Chloe was done with her second year of vet school, and she was approved for a two week break from her internship at her local veterinary clinic. Her next move proved to weigh heavy on her guilty conscience, but she and Fat Amy both agreed it was for the best. 

“We’re going to Atlanta!” she announced one day while the three of them were eating breakfast. 

“What?” Beca asked incredulously. Her eyebrows were drawn together in confusion, but Chloe could see the trace of fear behind her eyes. 

“Aubrey and Stacie misses us a ton, and I’m done with my responsibilities for the next two weeks.  _ Plus _ , we can see Bella!” It was a low blow, but she knew Beca adored Stacie’s kid and would probably do anything in the world for her. 

“Yeah, shorty, there’s nothing left for us to do in NYC.. in case you haven’t noticed, we’re pretty old now.” Amy jutted in, giving Chloe a less-than-subtle wink. “It’s about time we leave this young-person city and join our good ol’ cap in old people Georgia!” 

“That doesn’t even make sense, Ames.” Beca replied, rolling her eyes. The fear was still in her eyes, but she reluctantly nodded. “Okay, fine. When do we leave?”

“In about thirty minutes!” Chloe said brightly, to which Beca dropped her spoon in her cereal and stared at her in disbelief.

“Are you  _ insane _ ? What if I had said no?” 

“Well, we were sure you wouldn’t! And even if you did, I’m pretty sure Amy could wrestle you into the car easy!” 

“Crocodiles and dingoes, Shortstack.” Amy reminded in a sing songy voice. 

“Oh my God, you guys are so  _ weird _ .” Beca said, before getting up from her seat. “I guess I have to pack, then.” 

“Don’t worry, we already did it for you!” 

Beca’s only response was to smack herself in the forehead in exasperation.

//

  
  


For the second time in a week, Beca found herself on a plane. Yet this time, she couldn’t keep still. She was going to  _ Atlanta _ . She would only be thirty minutes away from Emily. And she had a suspicion that Chloe and Amy did this on purpose, but didn’t call them on it. 

A part of her was grateful. Maybe it was best for her to pay a visit, just to get some closure. Her nerves prevented her leg from sitting still, and Chloe’s hand eventually found a way onto her knee.

“Hey.” she said softly, trying to calm Beca down. The other girl avoided her eyes, the shaking not stopping. “You’re gonna be okay, Becs. You don’t have to see her, we’ll keep you distracted.”

“I  _ want _ to see her.” Beca replied, her voice dripping with misery. “I want to see her so badly I’d hurt someone.” 

“I know.” Chloe rubbed her thumb against Beca’s knee, which eventually slowed. “Just.. I’m trying to protect you, you know? I care about you a lot. And I care about Emily too. I.. I wasn’t really supposed to tell you this. But she’s suffering, too. She hasn’t left her apartment except to go to school since you guys split.”

“Yeah, well, we didn’t have to.” Beca said bitterly. But she knew that wasn’t fair, their circumstances were simply too hard for a regular couple. “God, this is just so unfair.” 

Chloe nodded in agreement before wrapping an arm around the smaller girl, bringing her close. She hated seeing her best friend hurting, but knew that things would work themselves out. 

//

  
  


Seeing Aubrey and Stacie for the first time in over a year was a breath of fresh air for Beca. She hugged Aubrey tightly, finding comfort in her embrace. It was crazy to think of how far their friendship had progressed, but she knew the blonde understood what she was going through. She then turned to Stacie, who was holding Bella by the hand, and gave her a brief but tight hug before kneeling down.

“Hey, Belle!” she said with a goofy grin. Bella giggled and let go of Stacie’s hand to wrap her small arms around her “Auntie Becs”. “I missed ya, kid.” 

“Miss you, Bec.” Bella garbled, and Beca almost cried at how adorable she was. The six of them settled in Aubrey’s living room, catching each other up on their crazy lives. The omission of relationships was hugely noticed by everyone in the room, but no one was brave enough to broach the subject. 

Beca finally internally rolled her eyes before turning to the couple sitting on the couch. “Congrats, by the way.” 

Like a deer caught in headlights, Aubrey stuttered back, “C-congrats for what?” 

“You guys are about as subtle as Amy trying to steal money from the Bellas.” At the mention of her name, Bella looked up from the floor where she was drawing, a question on her face. “Not you, Bells.” Beca laughed.

Aubrey smiled shyly, in contrast to the prideful look on Stacie’s face.

“Okay, you caught us. Can you  _ believe _ I bagged this absolute  _ hottie _ of a woman?” As she spoke, Stacie pinched Aubrey’s cheeks and wiggled her fingers. She was quickly slapped away, but the group burst into laughter. 

“How long has it been since you guys finally got your act together?” Beca asked. 

“Only about a month or two...” Aubrey said sheepishly. “We were gonna tell you, but we figured the timing was a bit off..” 

Suddenly feeling very guilty for pushing her friends away, not just during the past month but the entirety of post-USO, Beca frowned.

“I’m sorry for not really keeping in touch with you guys. I’ve been really busy - which isn’t an excuse - but yeah.”

The group was quick to assure her it was fine, and that they were proud of her, but the gnawing guilt lingered in Beca’s mind. Although she had been extremely resentful of Emily to not try to fix their relationship, she could see why their relationship had taken the turn it did. And although she had first thought their relationship was unsalvageable, she had a sudden determination that  _ one day _ , she would make it work again. 

Because Emily Junk was worth the world.

//

  
  


Beca nominated herself to make dinner that night, much to the delight of the rest of the girls. Cooking was something she did very rarely. In the Bellas house it was hardly necessary, as Jessica and Ashley had the teamwork skills of a duo that had cooked together their entire lives. But on the rare occasion she did, the girls claimed she should go into culinary school and become a chef instead of a music producer, which she had always rolled her eyes at. 

Beca learned how to cook from her mother. In her own way, cooking cherished her mom’s memory and she figured it was a good way to memorialize her through her recipes. She worked on autopilot, humming to herself as she worked away at the vegetables. 

_ Seems I got it wrong, I was chasing after something that was gone _

_ To the black of night, now I know it's not what I wanted at all _

_ And you said something like, "All you want is all the world for yourself" _

_ But all I want is the perfect love _

_ Though I know it's small, I want love for us all _

_ And all I couldn't sing, I would say it all, my life, to you _

_ If I could get you at all _

_ Trying to be something that I wasn't at all _

She didn’t realise tears were running down her face until a drop landed on the cutting board next to her hand. She quickly wiped them away, laughing at herself for being so dramatic. The other room had fallen into silence, and Beca almost jumped a foot in the air when she felt a pair of arms hugging her from behind. 

Sensing the presence of the rest of the girls, she leaned back into Chloe’s embrace and let herself relax. 

“I’m gonna be okay, guys.” she said after a long moment of silence. 

“We don’t doubt that for a second.” Aubrey replied softly, her hand squeezing Beca’s shoulder. 

“I’m really thankful for you all.” she turned around after Chloe retracted her arms, and leaned against the counter. “Seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Probably decompose in your house.” Amy joked, and the group burst into giggles. 

_ Yes _ , Beca decides, looking at the girls around her that had dropped everything to make sure she was still good.  _ I’m gonna be okay. _

//

  
  


She ends up not visiting Emily. Though every muscle inside her body screamed at her to get into Aubrey’s car and drive away, she refused. Beca knew going to Emily’s apartment would be extremely selfish of her. To get there and.. Do what? Say she was sorry, and then leave to go on tour? 

Once again, the timing was off. There was nothing she could do in the small three day window she had left of her vacation to fix their relationship. Still, though, she was undeterred. She fully planned on taking a visit after her tour was over. 

Beca’s decision not to visit Emily both relieved and concerned her friends. They wanted her to be in her best mental state possible for her upcoming tour, and though her month long break definitely benefited her, they still thought closure was a good idea. They knew better than to bring up their concerns to her, however, and so they let it go. 

It turned out they had no need to bring it up, because Beca could read them like a book. The closer they were to her break ending, the more they tiptoed around the subject. The day she was set to go back to L.A., she finally brought it up.

“Guys, I know you guys are worried about me. And yes, I know that you think I should go to Emily’s and seek... closure, or whatever. But here’s the thing.”

She took a deep breath and set down her drink, running a hand through her hair as she thought carefully. 

“I wouldn’t be getting closure because our relationship isn’t over.” She got bright smiles in response to this, and she relaxed. “Of course, there is a chance that she’s already over me and--”

“She’s not.” Aubrey interrupted almost immediately. Beca looked at her, eyebrow raised. “Sorry. You know I don’t really like getting into people’s business...” 

Beca didn’t mind, though, and waved her on to continue. 

“She’s still just as in love with you as she ever was, Beca. I think you’re right, though. This is going to take a lot of time. But honestly, I’ve never seen a couple as headstrong in love as you two.” 

  
  


“Except maybe  _ us _ !” Stacie jutted in, giving Aubrey a quick kiss on the cheek. This made the tensions in the room ease up, especially with Amy fake-gagging behind them on the loveseat. Beca couldn’t help but smile gratefully at the amount of time her friends had taken to make sure she was okay.

Conversation quickly changed to Beca’s tour, of which Beca excitedly invited them to go. She would be having a show in Atlanta, as many of her fans originated from the area due to the Bellas. The group agreed immediately, and suddenly saying goodbye to them was much easier than Beca thought.

She stood up and hoisted her suitcase up to her feet, hands wrapped around the handle tightly to decrease her chances of crying. 

“I love you, nerds.” she said. She got teary smiles in reply, and everyone stood up to give her a tight hug. 

Beca turned to Chloe and Amy, who were also going to the airport for their flight to New York at a later time. “Be safe, you two.” Fat Amy was quick to salute, while Chloe rolled her eyes - a trait she  _ definitely _ got from Beca - and gave Beca a small smack on the shoulder. 

“Is there anyone safer than us?”

“Yeah, like the entire human population.” 

Chloe had the decency to look offended at this, and Beca laughed on her way out of the door. 

She kept smiling during her entire ride to the airport, feeling soft in both the memories of college 

and in the warmth of her friends.

  
  


\-----

_ Don't be distracted, don't be distracted _

_ Do you want to be afraid? (no, I don’t want to feel pain) _

_ Do you want to be afraid? (no, I don’t want to feel pain) _

_ For life in the cage where courage's mate runs deep in the wake _

_ For the scariest things are not half as enslaved _

\-----

It had been three months and Emily feels like she’s dying. Not only was the stress of her master’s thesis weighing heavily upon her, but she hadn’t talked to Beca in  _ three months _ . She knew she had no one to blame but herself, but she didn’t want to stand in the way of Beca’s progress. 

She had wanted to text Beca so many times in the past three months. But Emily also knew Beca like the back of her hand. She knew that time would be the biggest factor in rekindling their relationship. Once she was done with grad school, Emily fully intended on taking a one-way plane ride to L.A. 

There was always the guilt gnawing at her at every second of every day, as well as the self-loathing that told her Beca would never want her back after what she pulled. In the back of her mind, though, she knew that they were meant to be. And sure, couples that were ‘meant to be’ didn’t always work, but Emily was adamant that they weren’t one of them. 

It was painful, honestly. She couldn’t go anywhere without seeing Beca’s face plastered on billboards all over the city. Turns out Barden  _ really _ takes pride in ‘creating’ Beca Mitchell. And though pride swelled in her chest every time she saw her ex-girlfriend’s face, she had to struggle to keep the tears at bay. 

Her reluctance of talking to Beca doesn’t stop her from looking up every bit of footage posted from her tour, though. She watches Beca sing from her laptop, instead of in person as she should be. Emily could feel her confidence at reviving the relationship fading with each song, her own insecurities painting over the clear unhappiness Beca was feeling. 

“Stop it, Emily.” she whispers to herself. She haphazardly shut her laptop, tossing it to the foot of the couch where she sat. She leaned back and sighed. The house was much too quiet, as it had been for months. “God, I’m such an idiot.”

She got up from her seat, in desperate need of a distraction. She was unsure of what to do, so she grabbed her phone and keys and left her apartment, knowing that she would just stew if she stayed. 

Getting into her car, Emily realised that she didn’t have anywhere to go. Stacie, who she was particularly close with, was thirty minutes away and busy with Bella. Maybe Aubrey? She shook her head, knowing the blonde was super busy with her own studies, as she was determined to get into law school.

Emily sat back in the driver’s seat and sighed. She turned the key in the ignition and opted to just go for a drive. She drove in silence, afraid that any song that would play would remind her of Beca and cause her to cry. Music wasn’t even needed, though, as she felt her eyes prick with unshed tears anyways. 

She eventually found herself in front of a park she and Beca frequented. Reluctance hung heavily on her like a coat, but she felt her body turn off the ignition and exit her car anyways. It was still light out, the sun shining lowly in the distance, ready to set. Emily walked toward the bench -  _ their bench _ \- as they so lovingly called it, and took a seat. It was old and wooden and quite frankly awful to sit on, but the memories that came with it made it impossible to stay away.

She sat there for a long while, thinking about Beca and the things they did together. A small smile hung on her lips as she reminisced, refusing to let her current sadness erase the happiness they shared. 

After ten minutes of aimless thinking, she made her way back to her apartment. Distractions clearly wouldn’t work. Emily knew that her pain and Beca’s pain were no one’s fault but her own. And that made it ten times worse. 

Once back in her apartment and seated on the couch again, she reached for her laptop to attempt studying. However, once she opened her word document, her thoughts screamed at her to write music, to continue singing, to not let pain distract her from the real world.

So she writes. She grabs her guitar - that Beca had bought her - and scribbles messy lyrics on a notepad she had next to her. 

_ Don't be distracted, don't be distracted _

_ Do you want to love me more? _

_ Do you want to love me more? _

_ For love is the breath _

_ If water and wave is cursed by the same thing that nurtured its shame _

_ Is it worth all the work? _

Even before sitting back to review her words, she knew the answer to her own question. It was undeniable - Emily was still wholly in love with Beca. She was sure that there would never be another person in her life she would feel this strongly for. 

Is it worth all the work?  _ Of course  _ it is. 

She spends the next few hours reciting her own mantra over and over in her head.

_ Don’t be distracted. Don’t be distracted. _

_ Beca will be in my life again.  _

_ Finish school. She’s finishing her tour. _

_ Don’t be distracted. _

_ I love her. _

\-----

  
  


_ Stupid man in the window, I couldn't be at rest _

_ All my delight, all that mattered, I couldn't be at rest _

_ From what I liked, from what I gathered, I couldn't be at rest _

_ Stupid man in the window, I couldn't be at rest _

\-----

Life had slowed down considerably for Beca. She had finished her tour a month and a half ago, and her label was ecstatic at how well it had gone. She had sold out most of her venues, many of them packed to the brim with fans who had followed her all the way through the ICCA’s. 

She felt overwhelmed. Beca had never wanted to be the center of attention, yet here she was. Her successful tour skyrocketed her to the headlines of many gossip magazines and paparazzi photoshoots, both of which she loathed. She could no longer leave her house without a significant amount of disguise material, otherwise she would find herself cornered by relentless journalists begging for an interview.

Most of all, Beca felt extremely lonely. 

Sure, her fame excited her. Though this wasn’t the music producing route she had hoped to take on, she was creating music and doing extremely well for herself. She just wished she had time to be herself.

All the attention made Beca uneasy and restless. It had been five months since she last spoke to Emily, and she felt a significant weight on her shoulders because of it. Though she had tried her best to cover her own insecurities and sadness, the lack of Emily’s presence in her life was enough to stifle her happiness. 

It felt wrong, being happy without Emily. 

Beca wondered if Emily missed her. She spoke to Aubrey and Stacie almost every day, both of whom vehemently insisted Emily missed her, too. 

The more the days dragged on, the more the timing seemed to line up. She had just finished her tour for her album. She wouldn’t be creating any new music for a little while now. 

She wanted Emily.

Beca now had a mission. The instant she could, she knocked on the door to Theo’s office. 

“Come in.” he called out, nodding at Beca when she entered. “Hey, Beca. What’s up?”

“Am I needed for anything?” she blurted out, unable to contain her question.. 

“Erm.. like,  _ now _ ?” Theo asked, watching as Beca wrung her hands together, more nervous than he had ever seen her. 

“No, I mean like.. For the next year. Or so?” She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She had been given more opportunities than almost every single person she had ever met. Yet here she was, asking for a lengthy pause in her career just one month after one of the most successful tours of a breakout artist yet. 

Theo’s surprise was reflected on his face. “That’s a long time, Beca.”

“Yeah, well. I just got off tour, I produced my album...” Beca took a deep breath. “Look, I know my career as a solo artist can really boom and project me really high. But we both know that my passion lies in producing. And that’s something I can.. Have more flexibility around.” 

“Ah. I see.” Theo started to smile as he understood where Beca was going with this. “Well, we have a lot to clear with Khaled first. But in your circumstance, given your success, I don’t think he’ll have too much of a problem with it.”

Beca heaved a relieved sigh, looking at Theo with gratitude in her eyes. 

“Thanks a lot, dude.”

//

Khaled turned out to be more than happy with Beca’s transition into producing. After she had demonstrated much of her talents in the field to him throughout the past three years, he had faith in her to create new rising stars. 

Beca began packing a suitcase the second she got home after her meeting. She called Aubrey and Stacie in advance, asking them if she could stay the night after she landed. Nerves bounced around her body in anticipation.

She would be seeing Emily soon.

Her flight felt like it lasted decades, but simultaneously felt two seconds long. She breathed a heavy sigh before gathering up her luggage. It was only 6pm, but she decided to wait until the next day to go to Emily’s apartment.

She sat in her thoughts in the taxi ride to Stacie’s house, overthinking every scenario that could potentially arise from her unannounced visit. In the back of her mind, though, Beca knew that Emily would never be cruel to her. Though she had been mending her broken heart for the past five months, Beca also knew that nothing would fully heal it otherwise.

When Beca finally arrived, Stacie greeted her with a tight hug. Bella softly tugged at the bottom of Beca’s sweats excitedly. 

“Bec! Bec, up!” Beca grinned before crouching down to gather Bella in her arms while Stacie wheeled in her suitcase. 

“Where’s our aca-captain?” Beca asked, relaxing in the familiarity of Stacie’s home. 

“In the kitchen, making us dinner.” Stacie replied. She opened her arms for Bella, but the toddler shook her head crazily. 

“Bec.” 

Defeated, Stacie laughed before leading the way to the kitchen, where Aubrey was humming to herself as she cooked. She looked up at the sound of her girlfriend’s laughter, and smiled upon seeing the trio. 

“Hey, Beca! How was your flight?”

“Eh. It was a flight.” Beca finally set Bella down, who instantly pouted but scrambled to take a seat at the table. “Need any help?” 

“Nah, I’m just finishing up. You can plate stuff, though.” Aubrey gestured to the cupboards as she gave the pot one last stir. Beca did as she was told, catching up with her friends. She tried not to be so distracted, but couldn’t help herself. They had been absentmindedly eating their dinner when Aubrey said something that finally piqued her whole attention.

“We’ve been thinking about moving to L.A., actually.” 

“Whoa, what? Really?” 

Aubrey nodded in response, a thoughtful look on her face. “I’m almost done with law school. I’ve been studying California law instead of Georgia anyways, since Stacie has a ton of family that lives there. And I’m kind of all-in on this relationship, you know?” 

The smile that appeared on Stacie’s face definitely made Aubrey’s explanation worth it. Beca couldn’t stop her own grin from forming on her face.

“Dude! That is amazing! If you guys need any help, the label will definitely be able to lend a hand; they honestly love the Bellas after our USO appearance.” 

Both of them said their thanks, and conversation afterwards had a much happier tone. 

_ Things are really coming together.  _ Beca thought later that night, lying in Stacie’s guest bedroom.  _ I just need one more thing _ .

//

The next morning was spent with halfhearted goodbyes and hugs, knowing that the group would be seeing each other again very soon.

“She loves you, Beca.” Stacie reassured as she pulled away from their embrace. “I know Emily. And I know that she broke your heart, and I know that you shouldn’t be the one afraid of this conversation. But this break from each other was good. She has like a month left of grad school, you’re done with your tour... The timing is finally right for you guys.”

Beca mumbled a quick thanks before lightly patting Bella on the head, and then she was off. 

The taxi ride was long. So. Long. She felt more broody than ever, constantly biting her bottom lip in anticipation and anxiety. When the car came to a complete stop in front of Emily’s apartment complex, her heart felt like it could stop any second. 

Hastily giving the driver his payment and a hefty tip, Beca heaved her suitcase out from underneath her and onto the sidewalk. Each step towards the stairs leading to Emily’s floor felt long. Her feet were as heavy as lead, and dragging herself up the stairs felt even worse. 

And then she was finally face to face with the door. 

Beca has felt nerves before. She had performed live in college in front of hundreds of thousands of people, and then again out of college for the first time as a solo artist for DJ Khaled, and then  _ again  _ as an established artist on her own tour.

But the anticipation of all three of those combined could not describe the antsy feeling she had right now, standing in front of Emily’s apartment. 

So she did what she always did. She took a deep breath and counted down, hand raised to knock.

_ 1, 2, 3, 4. _

\-----

_ Boy, we can do much more together _

_ (Better get it right, get it right, get it right, get it right) _

_ Boy, we can do much more together _

_ (Better give love, give love, give love, give love) _

_ Boy, we can do much more together, _

_ (better get it right, get it right get it right, get it right) _

_ Boy, we can do much more together it's not so impossible _

_ It's not so impossible _

\-----

Emily had been typing furiously at her computer, finally having a good idea of what to write for her thesis. The parts that felt so difficult to her four months ago were coming together, and the loose ends were solving themselves. It wasn’t the writing part that hurt her - it was more the statistics - but this last semester of her schooling had been killing her.

So when a lighthearted knock broke her out of her concentration, she almost groaned. Whatever she had been doing would have to wait. As she got up from her desk, Emily wondered who could possibly be at the door. She hadn’t been expecting anybody, instead expecting to be holed up in her room for the entirety of the day.

So when she peeked through the peep-hole and saw Beca Mitchell, her heart almost stopped. She wanted to panic. Scratch that - she  _ was  _ panicking. She had never felt so frozen in her life. Sure, she had seen pictures and videos of Beca performing, but she hadn’t actually  _ seen  _ the girl since she left that day, months ago.

“Em, I know you’re in there. You always make those gasp-y noises when you’re nervous.” came Beca’s voice from the other side of the door, and Emily clamped her mouth shut. Hands shaking, she unlocked the door and finally opened it. 

Beca was  _ there _ .

“Are you real?” were the first words out of Emily’s mouth, and she mentally slapped herself in the head for being so idiotic. 

“Yeah, I am.” Beca said, a small smile on her lips. “Um. Can I come in?”

“Oh- yeah, of course, uh. Give me one second, actually no just come in--” 

Flustered as she was, Emily had the right mind to take Beca’s suitcase from her, slowly wheeling it in and watching as the other girl walked in. Beca looked as nervous as she currently felt, and that brought a small twinge of relief. 

At the end of the day, both of them were awkward messes who probably didn’t know how to act in a situation like this. They took a seat at opposite ends of Emily’s couch, backs resting against the arms. 

Emily was staring. She knew she was staring, but she couldn’t stop herself from doing so. It had just been so  _ long _ . 

“I, uh- do you want something to drink?” Emily finally asked, breaking the silence. 

“No, thanks.” Beca replied, conjuring a water bottle from seemingly out of nowhere. “So.. how have you been?” 

Emily wondered if they were really going to do the small talk thing. “I’ve been kinda dying. But that’s okay!” she hurriedly added. “I finally had a breakthrough on my thesis and I’m about three weeks from finally being done. How about you?” 

She watched as Beca fiddled with her hands, nervously rubbing at each knuckle. “Yeah, I guess me too. I finished my tour a month or so ago...” 

Beca finally looked up, staring right into Emily’s eyes, who gasped a little. Out of all the things she loved about Beca, her eyes were number one. 

“I’m taking a break from music, actually.” 

“Wait, what? Why?” 

“Because I love you, Emily.”

Emily frowned. “Beca, you can’t put your career on hold for me-- I mean, I love you. I love you, Beca, and I know I broke your heart. But I  _ never _ want to put myself before your career, you love music and I can’t take that away from you.”

She probably would have kept rambling if Beca didn’t choose that moment to speak up. “You’re doing the thing again, Em.” 

Beca sighed. “Listen, I already talked to Khaled and Theo. I’m taking a year break from being an artist. Instead, I’m using this time to transition into being a music producer.. Like I’ve always wanted.” 

At long last, Emily finally saw what Beca had done. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s a long life, Ems. I don’t want anyone to be ‘it’ for me but you.” Beca said after a long pause of silence. “Don’t you think we can do so much more together?” 

Emily couldn’t stop the wide smile from spreading across her face. She scooted closer, watching as Beca’s own smile made its appearance.

“I’m sorry I was such an idiot. I never meant to hurt you.” 

“Just kiss me, nerd.”

Beca pressed their lips together without waiting for a response, and Emily melted into her embrace. The past six months had been complete and utter hell without the other girl in her life, and now that they were finally together again, she wanted to get lost in the moment. 

When they spread apart, both of them were smiling uncontrollably. 

“I want to move to L.A. with you.” Emily said. “Once I’m done here with school. I agree with you, Becs. There’s no one else in this world for me than you.”

In response, Beca shot up off the couch. Emily fell backwards in surprise, eyebrows drawing together in concern. 

“Beca?”

Beca returned a minute later, phone in hand. Music was softly spilling out of the speakers, and she set it down on the coffee table in front of them. Extending a hand to Emily, Beca gave her a soft smile.

“Do you wanna dance?”

Laughing at the utter cheesiness that was Beca Mitchell, Emily took her hand without any hesitation. The two of them swayed to the song that was playing quietly on Beca’s phone, and Emily finally felt at peace again.

“It’s not so impossible.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me/Prompt me on Tumblr!  
pitchedperfectly.tumblr.com


End file.
